What: Men’s sun glasses
Where: Where you need to be the No. 1 stunner
When: When it’s sunny. When haters need blocking. When it works with your gear.
How: Hold edges, slide over ears and in front of eyes and be cool
Knowledge me: Yeah protection from UV rays is nice, but these joints run about a hundred bucks and should primarily be pulled out for high profile floss maneuvers. To be fly, you gotta look fly.
Who: Aliph Jawbone Bluetooth earpiece
What: The Jawbone Era
Where: Anywhere it’s real noisy
When: When you get tired of saying “Can you hear me?”
How: Wrap it around your ear and burn some cell phone minutes.
Knowledge me: The Jawbone Era is the absolute tip-top high tech ear hugger. I don’t care if you’re in the loudest party in town, with one of these joints, you’ll be the only playa in the game getting his phone rap on – and it has caller i.d.
What: Body spray for men
Where: Wherever women are gonna be.
When: When you see a hottie, spray it on your body.
How: Apparently all you need to do is spray it on and the girls go wild!
Knowledge me: The legend of Axe Body Spray says that one whiff of this stuff is like aromatic crack – the ladies have to have you. But the very best part is when the women break down that whole little dance thing, you know, “Bom Chicka Waa Waa.”
Who: Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch (d.b.a. Cap ‘n Crunch)
What: Breakfast Cereal
Where: In the cereal aisle.
When: Maybe only once or twice a year. Outside of the empty calories, the Yellow 5 coloring is a little suspicious, health-wise. I vote no for kid usage, but hey if you’re grown, crunch away.
How: Go “Jethro Bodine style” and dump the whole box in a big ol’ pot, grab a really big spoon and get bizzy. (Eat at your own risk!)
Knowledge me: Invented in 1965 with a slick combination of brown sugar and butter, Cap ‘n Crunch has a zillion “Spin-Off” cereals (Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch, Vanilly Crunch, etc.) all of which will shred the crap out of the roof of your mouth if eaten all willy-nilly!
Who: The massage therapist
What: Hot Basalt stones (nature’s healing stone)
Where: On your back (chakra meridians), in palms, between toes.
When: When you take the cucumber slices off of your eyelids and roll over.
How: While lying down, a trained hot stone-placer will incorporate a Swedish massage with the warmth and pressure of the stones.
Knowledge me: Also known as “Rub Rocks” these stones have been used across the globe since ancient times to heal and rejuvenate the body.
Who: The Inner you
Where: A quiet place to center oneself.
When: When you find it necessary.
How: Even if you can’t bust out into a “Full Lotus,” correct posture and breathing is important.Knowledge me: Yoga masters have been known to go up into the mountain and remain in a meditative state for years, but you would be good to start out at a few minutes to learn how to be at peace and focus. There are several types of meditation, but most all of them pertain to training your mind to attain a higher state of consciousness.