Some dude over on Newton Avenue is high as hell on wet: Around 10:33 pm., on March 16, there were several calls for people over on Newton Avenue, reporting that some fool was high as hell on wet and he dancing in the street

Columbus 

Crime of the week:

Ol’ crazy woman snatched $20,000 worth of jewelry and ran out the store:

Back on Jan. 30, 2012, at 8:49p.m., a woman walked into the jewelry store on Easton Town Center and pretended like she wanted to buy something and when the clerk turned head this crazy heffa bolted out of the store running like a bat out of hell with a $20,000 diamond. She ran and jumped into what looked like a waiting Chevy Bronco. If you know or heard of anything about this robbery call 1 877-645 TIPS and get paid.

Tall skinny dude spoofed off CVS security guard and took off running: On March 1, around 9:30 a.m., a tall skinny dude walked into the CVS on West Broad Street, and started stealing stuff.  When the security guard confronted him, Ol boy whipped out a knife and told the guard to back up and then he took off running. 

Sheriff’s deputies snag a pound of crack and two pounds of weed in drug sting: From March 8 thru the 10, Franklin County Sheriff’s deputies went on a three-day drug sweep call “Operation Shield.” In that sweep they snagged a pound of crack, two pounds of weed, made 71 arrests and knocked off 40 grams of heron, nine guns. Sheriff Zach Scott said it was a good sting.  I know that those chumps where running and jumping like crazy. 

Deondre got caught up in a hail of bullets during drive by: On March 14, around 8:53 p., a caller from the East Livingston and Fairwood area, reported that a dude name Deondre was driving his clean-cut 2008 Chevy 4 door, when car full of haters pulled up beside him and opened fired for no known reason. During the ordeal “D” was hit, but swill survive his wounds. Dirty dogs! 

Dougie tried to stab Fred in the back while he was sitting in his ride: On March 12, at 6:43 p.m., police were called to the Parsons/Mithoff area where it was reported that Fred Sheppard was stabbed Douglas Copley as he sat in his ride with his back turned. Fresh Dougie was found and taken into custody without incident.  

Jealous Tim shot at Sheila with a shotgun: On March 9, around 11a.m., a caller in the 1500 block of Kingry Street reported that Tim, age 49 had shot at his woman Shelia Brooks, 42, several times with shotgun as she was standing in front of his house. When the cops arrived they searched the house and found several shotguns, rifles and other weapons. The police hauled his crazy behind off to jail.  

Cleveland 

Some thugs are selling drugs in an empty house on East 88th: On March 16, at 10:39 p.m., the police got a tip that some thugs were selling drugs out of a vacant house in the 2300 block of East 88^th Street. A car was sent over to round up these hood rats that are infesting our neighborhoods.

Some idiots look like they are trying to hijack an ATM machine: On March 16, at 10:07 p.m., a caller reported that there were 4 suspicious looking dudes lurking around an ATM machine as if they were going to try and pull it out of the wall.  But on the other hand maybe these dummies thought that somebody was dumb enough to walk up and made a withdrawal while these thug looking fools were standing around. They have got to be the biggest fools in the world to think that they can break into an ATM machine or somebody gone walk up between them.

Two dudes are sloppy drunks on Lakeview and causing trouble: On March 16, at 10:09 a very serious caller in the 800 block of Lakeview Road reported that it was too hot for two dunks to be out there acting a fool. A car was sent over to see if they could not pipe these two renegades down.

An alarm is sounding off and coming from a business on 83^rd and Carnegie: On March 16 around 10:10 p.m., an alarm company called and reported that somebody had just entered a closed business on 83 rd. and Carnegie Avenue. A unit was rushed over to check out the matter.

A gang of dope boys are hanging out in the street on East 88 and Quincy: On March 16, at about 10:11 p.m., there were several calls from passing motorist that the “dope boys” were all in the street blocking traffic as people were trying to drive by. A car was sent over to see if they couldn’t round up some of these knuckleheads who were refusing to get out of folks way. I guess they gonna get rich or die trying!

Some butt holes are standing, blocking the traffic on 49th and Shadyside Avenue: On March 16, around 10:12 p.m., the neighbors in the West 49th and Shadyside Avenue called and reported that a bunch of fools were standing in the middle of the street being defiant and blocking traffic. Somebody needs to tell them to get the hell out of the way!

Kids are playing all in the street disturbing the neighbors on Gertrude Avenue: On March 16 at about 10:17 p.m., some very angry residents on Gertrude Avenue called and complained about several ornery butt kids were playing all in the street and the mommas and daddies were no where to be found. A car was sent out to check on these brats.

Momma calls police on her live in boyfriend on 118th: On March 16, a steaming hot mother in the 3300 block of East 118 th called in on her live in boyfriend who she said had committed an unthinkable act and he was still there in the home. A car was sent out to try and cool this hot momma down.

A fool is outside in front of a house on Svec Avenue with a sword: Around 10:23 p.m., on March 16, a very disturbed elderly couple in a house in the 13800 block of Svec Avenue called and reported that there a man out in front of their house with a big long azz sword and somebody please come out and see about this fool.

The police are going to serve a summons on East 77 Street: Around 10:25 p.m., on March 16, a patrol on called dispatch and asked for permission to deliver and serve a warrant that they had for a person who lived on Svic Avenue which is off East 116^th.

A suspicious looking dude is lurking around on Meltzer in a white van: On March 16, around 1:28 p.m., there were several calls from residents around East 116^th and Meltzer Avenue, reporting that there was a suspicious looking dude in a white van lurking and driving around the neighborhood, that looks like he is looking and staking out somewhere to break in.

A woman’s boyfriend just beat her up, but she don’t want EMS involved: On March 16, around 10:30 p.m., police received a call from a woman in the 7300 block of Hugh Avenue, who was made as hell because her boyfriend had just beat her up, but she told the dispatcher that she did not won’t to get EMS involved. A car was sent out to see what had happened to Missy Mixed Up.

Some dude over on Newton Avenue is high as hell on wet: Around 10:33 pm., on March 16, there were several calls for people over on Newton Avenue, reporting that some fool was high as hell on wet and he dancing in the street. A car went out to see abut this fool who is so high, I bet he don’t even know his own name.

Some jerk is running in and out of the street on Holborn Avenue: On March 16, around 10:27 p.m., there were several calls from residents on Holborn Avenue, reporting that some jerk was running around and in and out of the street. A car was sent over to check on Ol’ boy and what is his problem.