Crime of the week:
Freak breaks in and steals woman’s underwear and panties: On June 3, a very pissed off woman in the 11100 block of 7th Avenue, called and reported that some freak had broken into her house and stolen some of her most photogenic panties and other kinds of fun underwear stuff. She said that the pervert took her bathrobe and several other sexy night garments. Ya’ll betta try and catch this fool and tell this freak that him that he could get something that can’t be cured.
Dumb lookout crook got other crooks caught by not looking out: On June 6, a dumb crook, that two other crooks told to be the lookout, let the police sneak up on the other two rogues with the goods in their hands. The would-be buglers Rodney and Lewis chose a dumb crook named Randy Hicks to be the look out. They went to the rear of a house on Minson Way Road and took 2 flat screen TVs. While this nut wasn’t paying attention the police snunk up on this fool and busted him and them. Look out! Here they go to jail, now watch that.
Heathens cut and steal all the copper from church air conditioner:
On June 4, at 12:40 a.m., some so-nuff heathens cut and stole all the cooper tubing from the air conditioner at the First Congregational church over onEast Market Street. I am sure that these overheated parishioners would have sent him straight to hell had they caught him, cause he had truly caused them to sweat.
Damn! Crack heads are breaking into the junk yards: On June 4, sometime around 9:30 a.m., a very pissed -off owner of the Hazel Street Recycling junk yard over onHazel Street, called and reported that some rogue had broken into his junk yard and had stolen an air compressor; a chop saw, a tool box and several other junk items. I told ya’ll that a dog that brings a bone will carry a bone so look out.
Who in the hell broke into the Rent-A-Center: On June 3, a manager at the Rent-A-Canter over on Nome Avenue, reported that some thieves had broken into the living room window and stole a 42’ and a 13 inch flat screen TV. Ya’ll tell these clowns that rent-a-center is one of the only places where you can go in with $25.00 and walk out with big large screen – come on man!
Willie is smokin’ again and the cops caught him with rocks: On June 5, the cops pulled over a 40-year-old dude named Willie Kish in a routine traffic stop. Having observed Will’s strange behavior, they asked him if they could search his car. This fool said “yeah.” While looking through Will’s car they found some rocks on the driver’s side seat. Bam, busted! They hauled Willie’s butt off to jail.
Rotten thugs strong-arm a family for debit card and purse: On June 5, at 11:30 a.m., some thugs forced their way into a family’s house over onGarfield Street and flashed guns and robbed them of their debit card, a laptop, a cell phone and several other items. If you know something about the crooks that did this, say something and tell on these punks and get paid.
Christopher Evans beat his girlfriend and took her purse: On June 5, a super angry woman called the cops about her mean boyfriend Chris. Cops busted a 38- year-old dude named Christopher Evan for beating up his girlfriend and taking her pocketbook. Maybe this fool didn’t realize that this is not only robbery, but it is also Domestic Violence. The judge is going to send Christ to a place where he will need to able to fight. Good luck! Christopher.
Knucklehead kicks in door and ransacks house on Lane Street: On June 1, around 6:13 p.m., a caller in the 900 block of Lane Avenue, reported that’s some chump had busted down the door of their home and stole a whole bunch of stuff. The call said that this crook stole their Xbox 360, several video games and some other valuable stuff that is going to be hard to replace. It is probably better for the cops to find this dude rather than the caller.
That rotten skunk stole my last $10: On June 2, at around 3 a.m, a caller in the 1200 block of Everton Drive, reported that some rotten stankin rouge had came into their apartment and had stolen a hair dryer, iron, DVD player, telephone modem and window fan. But, after all that the rotten bastard took dude’s last $10. Ya’ll hurry up and catch this no good thief!
A thief broke into a vacant apartment in the projects: On May 31, around 8:42 a.m., a thief broke into a vacant apartment in the Akron Metropolitan Housing Development and stole several items. Missing is a water hose, an air compressor, copper plumbing stuff, and a number of other valuable items.
Some thugs chased and then shot at Amy and Jeremy: On June 5, around 2:49 a.m., police received a call from a person at the intersection of Howey and East North Broadway, reporting that some idiots had chased and shot at a 23-year-old dude named Jeremy and his lady friend Amy, age 23. The caller said that these idiots threw something and hit his ride with what may have been a pipe and then they started shooting at the couple. The call said that several bullets hit J’s ride which really pissed him off, but thanks to the all mighty none hit him or his girl. The cops are looking for the hooligans.
LaRon must be crazy trying to rob some folks with an uzi: On June 5, at 3:23 a.m., a caller over in the 3300 block of Second Street, reported that some folks were standing out in front of a building after a party when crazy dude named LaRon Evans pulled up in a light blue Lincoln, got out and started shooting at them with an assault rifle. The caller also said that this nut told the crowd to “give up the goods,” meaning their money valuables and jewelry. When one fella named Jeffery refused to give up his stuff, Evans shot him in his right leg. LaRon took off and the cops arrested his behind a short time later. No betta’ for his punk butt. “Here comes the judge.”
Why would some fool shoot up into Antoinette’s house: On June 5, at 10:18 p.m., a 42-year old woman named Antoinette Robinson who lives in the 1200 block of Duxberry Avenue called and reported that some punk had just fired several shots into her home. Nette said she has no clue who this ornery bastard was and why, ‘cause she ain’t did nothing to nobody. Cops are investigating the incident.
Two cars pulled up beside each other and opened fire like gangsters:
On June 5, at around 4 p.m., and in broad daylight, some dudes pulled up beside each other in two separate cars, started arguing and then opened fire on each other. Both cars took off, lost control and crashed. These fools all got out and ran in opposite directions. If you know something, say something. Luckily nobody got hurt.
Small business coalition band together to help catch thieves: On June 6, from 9 a.m. – 4 p.m., the Columbus Police and the Ohio Regional Organized Crime Coalition held an all day seminar to map out a strategy to help try and catch organized thugs and thieves who prey onOhio businesses. Their purpose was to help them notify and identify some of these no good predatory thieves. Watch out! Help is on the way.
Man calls 911, niece and her boyfriend fighting like dogs: On June 8, at 11:01 p.m., a very frantic uncle who lives in the 3600 block of East 151 Street, called 911 three times screaming for the police hurry up and get there, because his niece Tenisha and her crazy acting baby’s daddy are fighting like two dogs. The dispatcher could here loud voices in the background arguing and cussin and saying somebody gone get “kilt.” The man said that this fool just left and he is wearing tan paints and driving an F150 Ford truck.
HELP! I can hear ‘um in the background fighting, hollin’ and cussin’: On June 8, at 11:07 p.m., police received a frantic 911 report from a caller in the 5600 block ofHuss Avenue, saying “They fightin’ like dogs.” The dispatcher could clearly hear a whole bunch of people in the background, hollin, screaming and cussin, the caller requested that “ya’ll please hurry up! And get here ‘cuz some folks are in this house fighting like they crazy.” Several cars were rushed to scene to cool down these Friday night drama causers.
Sucka’s playing they’re music so loud you should hear it downtown:
What in the hell is going on out there? On June 8, at 10:58 p.m, a highly irritated caller who lives on the 123rd and Parkhill Avenue, called complaining that some suckas are having a party and they cranked it up and are playing the music so damn loud you should be able to hear it downtown. A car was sent out to tell them either turn it down or break up the disrespectful partiers.
Dude on Hugh Avenue said that he just got his butt kicked: On June 8, at 10:59 p.m., some po dude onHugh Avenue, called crying and said that some thugs had just whipped his behind, and ya’ll come get these butt holes. A car was sent out to investigate why they had put a foot in dude’s behind.
Some bullying juveniles are at the playground causing trouble: On June 8, at 11:08 p.m., an angry caller reported that some ornery youngsters are on the playground atClarkElementary School bullying other kids and causing trouble. A car was sent out to send these ornery curfew breaking rascals running back to they’re mommas.