On July 8, at 11:20 p.m., a distraught mother, who lives in the 12800 block of Farris Avenue, called and reported that she believes that her 13-year-old boy ran away. 

Criminal of the week: COLUMBUS, OHIO

Naked woman gets out of shower and stabs intruder: On July 12, at about4:45 p.m., a 20-year-old woman onSummit Street, was taking a shower when she thought she heard a strange noise.  She got out of the shower, grabbed a butcher knife she had for protection and discovered Derek Miller standing in her apartment. When “D” realized that the buck-naked woman had a butcher knife he tried to run passed her. Bam! She stabbed him in his back! The fool kept running and was later found a few blocks away bleeding like a hog. And on top it, the cops still hauled his bleeding butt off to jail.

Columbus Ohio

Crook robs Fifth Third Bank and stuffs money in pillowcase: This mug musta been out of his mind. On June 29 about3:30 p.m., a bold crook walked into the Fifth Third Bank onWest Henderson Road, gave the teller a bright colored pillowcase and told her, “Fill it up” like he was buying a tank of gas.  The teller knew that he had to be crazy to bring his own bag, so she gave him what she could.  The dude took the bag and ran out the bank.  Several surveillance cameras got this clown on tape. If you know something, say something and get paid(614)645-8777.

S.W.A.T. brought two new vehicles that go fast as hell: Look out thugs here they come!  On July 10, at9 a.m., the Columbus Chief of Police invited folks in to see his new pride and joy for busting down criminals; they’re two new equipped and ready vehicles that look like a dog gone tank. The cops are betting that ya’ll criminals can run but you can’t hide from these Big Berthas. Look out! Here they come.  

Crowd acting a fool over at the Private Dancer: On July 14, around3:35 in the morning, cops were called out to the Private Dancer Lounge located at3611 Trabue Road, about a big ruckus between a gang of drunk folks in the parking lot who were arguing and acting a fool.  Just as the cops approached the scene they heard gunshots ring out that was fired from the crowd.  Two people were hit and had to be taken to a near by hospital for treatment.  The police are asking questions about who the nuts were that fired the pistols. Again, hear no evil see no evil and speak no evil. Mums the word eh!

Some crazy punk went in and stuck up the Payless Shoe Store: On July 12, at12:50 pm., a distressed  20-year-old female employee at the Payless Shoe Store on Hilliard Rome Road,  called in and reported that she had just been robbed at gun point and the robber was a Black dude between 25 and 35-years-old. The ornery punk also had a nasty mouth. Cops really want to get this idiot before he does something else.  If you know who did this would you please call and tell on his behind,(614)645-8777.

“O’ dirty rotten buzzard broke in and stole our power tools”: On July 12, about 7 a.m., a caller from the Edco Tools & Supply store on Phillipi Road, called and reported that some dirty rotten buzzard had broken into their store and damn if he didn’t tear up everything. The company said that this rascal stole a number of items which included some power tools and other stuff. Everything was caught on camera and showed the fool stuffing things in what appeared to be a dark colored Chevy Blazer truck.     The police are looking for him call (614) 525-3351 if you know anything.

Akron Ohio

Can one person steal a 62’ flatscreen television?: I am sure this dude was pissed off like all hell to find that some rotten good for nothing thug had stole his home theater.  On July 13, around7:56 a.m., it was reported that a home in the 1200 block ofCurtis Street, had been broken in to on July 11, between the hours of3 pm –11:12 p.m.  It was reported that the thieves forced open a window and entered the house. Although they took $ 300.00 in cash, the kicker was these bastards stole a 62 inch flatscreen television. They’ve got to find these rogues.

Ooowe! These thugs know they got some damn nerve: At approximatelymidnight onJuly 12, 2012, the residents at100 Edward Ave. reported that 2 Black males, 30-40 years-old, ran up onto the porch as the residents were leaving the house. One of the suspects reportedly brandished a black handgun and ordered the victims back inside where the suspects stole a small amount of cash ($10.00) and a cell phone. The suspects then fled on foot northbound onCarlysle Avenue   Ya’ll hurry up and catch um! If you know something, say something, even if you’re his momma.

Thieving rascal crawled in family’s second floor window and stole $537: On July 11, within one hour, a thug entered through second story window of a house in the 700 block of Upson Street, between the hours of 5:50 – 6:50 pm, to rob the family of $537 cash.  I’m keep telling ya’ll somebody gon’ hurt one of these thugs and the more I see, the more I believe these thugs done gone nuts.

A chump is real desperate to steal $ 6.00 and some cigarettes: Ha’ Mercy!  On July 11, it was reported that they believe that a desperate thief named Jeffrey A. Keys broke in a house on the 1200 block of McKinley Avenue, between the hours of 2:50 and 2:57 a.m. They think that this dude entered through an open front window and took $6.00 in cash and a pack of cigarettes. Ya’ll know this scallywag dope fiend is desperate when he stoops to small change and a smoke.  Please Mr. Police, ya’ll catch this bugger before he does this to somebody else.

The rogues who stole eight two-ton metal plates must be pros: Between July 6, and July 9, The HM Miller Construction Company onManchester Road, was broken into between4 p.m. to 7 a.m.  They think the thieves entered the construction site and took property and took eight two-ton metal plates and a breaker from a front loader/wheel loader. Come on ya’ll, this ain’t a job that was pulled off by a couple of crack heads. These are thieves that knew what they wanted and went and got it. We can’t blame this one on our C.H. friends.

Thugs punched a fella, knocked him down and robbed him: At approximately 3 a.m. on July 11, a 55-year-old man called and reported that he was walking on Prospect Street at Park Avenue, when a white car pulled up and two Black males in their late 20s got out and punched him in his face and pushed him to the ground. One of the suspects removed $27 from the victim's pocket.  Police are investigating this robbery. 

A sucka broke in and stole a wallet with their last $20 in it: Apparently this was these folk’s last lil bit of cash. On July 11 at around2 a.m., some sucka broke in some folk’s house over in the 1200 block ofEverton Drive, and entered through an unlocked door. This bastard stole the person’s wallet that had their last 20 dollar bill in it, a social security card, driver's license and then he took a laptop. Rotten thief! 

Rogue took a college students’ book bag: On July 5, at around  9:04 a.m., a caller at a house on  Rocky Brook Drive, called and reported that they think that  some crook broke a window and  entered an attached garage and took a bunch of stuff out of their car. The rogue stole 5 college text books that were in a book bag, a wiring harness, amplifiers, and some miscellaneous items. The police are investigating this clepto who seems to be seeking some knowledge.

Some skuzz-buckets broke in and stole three flatscreen TVs: On July 11, a caller from a home onSevilla Avenue reported that around3 p.m. to 8 p.m., some skuzz-buckets pushed in plastic rear door window and broke into their house. The thief stole two watches, two 45” flat screen TVs, a 50" flat screen TV, a computer,DVD player and some diamond earrings. This was a big heist and the cops are trying to track the maggots down who pulled this off.

Cleveland Ohio

Dang knucklehead kids are breaking into a vacant house: On July 8, at about 11:15 p.m., a concerned neighbor in the 3500 block of West 63^rd Street, called and reported that some dang smart-mouth, knucklehead kids are breaking into the vacant house a few door down and who knows what they are going to do in there. The neighbor said that she told them that this is a crime, but the kids replied with some harsh expletives, like “F#*! You!” A patrol unit was sent out see if they could locate these ornery brats who need some home training.

Can ya’ll please come and make this chump turn down that damn music?!: Around 11:22 p.m., on July 8, a highly irritated resident in the East 140^th and Eglesmere Avenue, called and requested the cops come out and please tell this annoying fella to turn down that damn music or turn it off.  A car was sent out to give this chump a ticket and to check and see if this fool had a hearing problem.

Gang of hoodlums are getting ready to fight on East 40^th Street: At 11:27 p.m., on July 8, there were several calls from uneasy residents in the East 40^th andQuincy Avenue area, reporting that there was a large gang of hood rats gathering in the middle of the street by the shopping center who are getting ready to throw down and rumble.  “It is more than 20 or 30 of these clowns; ya’ll hurry up and get here before one of these idiots gets killed.”  Several cars were rushed to try and disperse these hot heads.  

A dude is out in front of our house in a car and it looks like he dead: At11:19 p.m., on July 8, there was a call from some very petrified residents who live in a house in the 3200 block ofCarroll Avenue. The family reported that there was a dude sitting in a four-door car out in front of their house with the motor running, and it looks like he is either dead or passed out. A car was sent out to see if ol’ boy had nodded out or was actually dead. About six minutes later a car arrived and Bingo! Up popped the devil, red eyes and all.  Ol’ boy is drunk as a skunk.  Off he went to jail.

A concerned momma thinks her 13-year-old boy ran away: On July 8, at11:20 p.m., a distraught mother, who lives in the 12800 block ofFarris Avenue, called and reported that she believes that her 13-year-old boy ran away.  A car was sent out to see if they could locate this disrespectful rascal who had upset his momma and bring his behind back home.