about 9 a.m., a concerned neighbor over in the 8800 block of Malcolm Avenue called and reported that they had just heard about three or four shots that were fired from the white house with blue trim a couple of doors down.

Criminal of the week:

CLEVELAND, OHIO

The cops are on Parklawn Drive to pick up a dangerous thug: On Sept. 26, around 2:25 p.m., cops were all over the place on Parklawn Drive, setting up road blocks to prevent a dangerous fugitive (with an open warrant for attempted murder) from escaping.  They said the thug’s hair is corn rolled, he’s wearing a red sweat shirt, and the punk is hiding in an apartment and won’t come out.  After a brief standoff, the cops arrested a dude named Lewis Arnold.  See Yeah! Wouldn’t want to be yuh!

Akron

Crazy Ray is in deep doo-doo for sticking up a dude that didn’t have a dime: Around 10 p.m., on Sept. 22, a 24-year-old dude walked the 800 block ofCarlysle Street. He reported that two Black males in dark clothing came up to him and demanded money. When he said he didn’t have any, one suspect pulled out a pistol and shot him in his left arm and took of running. A few minutes later, Raynard Pickett Jr., was arrested. The cops found the gun that Ray used tossed in theGlendaleCemetery. Ray confessed to the robbery and was charged with aggravated robbery. Good bye Ray-Ray!

Two fools knocked the pizza deliver man in head and robbed him: Around 9:30 p.m. Saturday night, a delivery driver for Pizza Hut Pizza, located at 1591 Copley Road, was robbed while delivering food. The driver reported he was attempting to deliver food in the 700 block of Gem Avenue when two suspects struck him in the back of the head with an unknown object. The driver fell to the ground and the suspects went through his pockets, taking $30 in cash before fleeing in an unknown direction.

The cops busted Hank for breaking into some folk’s house on Princeton: Henry Lamont Lundy, 19, 851 Princeton St., Akron, Ohio was charged with burglary. Henry and a punk accomplice forced their way into 945 Argonne Ct. and took a TV and a laptop computer then fled the scene in vehicle driven by James F. Watson.

Some lying punk told neighbors the bank contracted them to clean up: These are some real slick crooks. Dig this! On Sept. 20, around 10 a.m., some thugs went to a house in the 900 blocks ofBerwin Street and told the neighbors they were contracted by the bank to clean out the home. The lying bastards stole a diamond ring, a professional telescope, a collectibles “Gone With the Wind” movie, a 47” flat screen TV, a Nintendo Wii, Playstation 3, Xbox 360, video games, and some other valuable stuff.

Low down desperate thieves stole the refrigerator and the stove: On Sept. 19, at around 3 p.m., some real desperate rascals broke into a house in the 1200 block ofGetz Street.  The cops couldn’t determine how the rogues got in but they stole two mattresses, the refrigerator, and the damn gas stove. Oooowe! Ya’ll watch out for these roguish dogs because they are getting worse. Make sure you lock the doors when you leave home. Cops are looking for these big strong bastards.

Columbus

Some hater shot Corey and his Asian girlfriend for nothing: On Sept. 16, at 6:55 p.m., a call was received reporting that a 25 year old Black dude named Corey Johnson and his Asian girlfriend, Vichekar, 27, had been shot over on East Livingston Avenue. The couple said they were driving down the street when some fool on the other side of the road just opened fire on them for no reason. Both Corey and his lady friend were taken to a nearby hospital and treated for non life-threatening wounds.

Damn thugs done stuck up Speedway gas station on Harrisburg again: On Sept. 26, at 12:46 a.m., a White dude, about 6 feet tall, walked into the Speedway Gas Station over on Harrisburg Pike, pulled out a knife and threatened to kill the clerk. He wanted all of the loot in the register and the cigarettes. This fools then told the clerk to get inside the restroom and lock the door. The clerk did. The thief then took all of the money and fled on foot. The clerk said dude was dead drunk and very angry about something. The clerk didn’t take any chances. Cops are investigating.

Clerk said it was a short, thick, White woman who stuck-up Speedway on Morse Rd.: On Sept 27, around 12:20 a.m., a night clerk working at Speedway over on Morse Road reported that a lil’ short, fat, White woman came into the station and gave them a note that read: “Dis is uh stick up.”  She then took the loot, ran, and jumped into a gold Chevy waiting in the parking lot. Cops are on the look out. Just maybeSpeedway ought to look at some other means of getting security because these thugs gonna rob them blind. The clerk said Miss Lady had on some big pink jogging pants, sunglasses, and a black hoodie. If you know something, say something. Call Crime Stoppers.

Miss Singhal said she was distracted when the ol’ rotten crook ambushed her: On Sept. 26, at 6:44 p.m., a lady who describes her race as other, was walking downMcMillen Avenue, when a man blocked the sidewalk and when she stopped another dude ran up and ambushed her from behind.  She said the second crook spun her around and yanked her I-Phone right off her neck. When she screamed, a cop who was near by heard her and saw what was happening and chased the thug down and arrested his butt. Mr. Crook now has a new address, Franklin County Jail. No betta fah him! 

Man on St. Clair Avenue in Columbus was busted for disorderly conduct and shooting: Whaaaat? Sounds like our St. Clair inCleveland. On Sept. 28, at 4:37 p.m., officers responded to a joint in the 700 block ofSt. Clair Avenue, about some shots being fired. Upon arrival, some witnesses at the scene gave the cops a description of the dude who they said took off in a car. A short time later the shooter was arrested and booked. Anyone with some additional info should call Crime Stoppers at (614) 645-4141 and get paid.

Cleveland

Two thugs arrested on outstanding warrants and discharging a firearm: On Sept. 26, around 1:38 pm., the cops chased down and busted two chumps for shooting pistols. They were charged with discharging a firearm within the city limits. Both were found to have outstanding warrants. Two more clowns off the streets. See yuh!

Beverage Store owner on Lakeview having trouble with customer: At 1:50 p.m., on Sept.26, a call was received from the owner of the In & Out Beverage store in the 800 block of Lakeview Road, reporting that there was an idiot in their store acting like a fool and causing a disturbance. The owner requested, “Would ya’ll please come get this idiot before we put something on his behind?” A car was sent out to help them get rid of their headacheand the nuisance.

White dude trying to pick up lil girls on Kinsman: On Sept. 26, around 2:13 p.m., an angry lil’ boy near 77th and Kinsman Avenue called 911 and told the police there was some ol’ sleazy looking White dude in a car cruising and trying to lure his lil’ sister to get into his car. The angry young caller said the freak wore a tan baseball cap and black jeans. Several cars were rushed to that area to locate this pervert. Good work little fella. Protect your sister!

Halt thug! Stop! An officer is chasing a crook wearing a grey hoodie: On Sept. 26, at 1:47 p.m., an officer radioed the dispatcher asking for assistance to help catch a White male who may have a gun. The officer said the guy has a goatee and he is wearing a grey hoodie, blue jeans, and a black baseball cap. The dispatcher sent several cars to the location to assist the officer in his distress and track down this monkey.

How in the hell did they steal the big elevator motor: Have mercy! Leave it to them dam rogues. On Sept. 26, at about 2:18 p.m., a call was received from the maintenance man at an apartment building on Lakeshore, reporting that some clown had stolen the building’s elevator motor which was being worked on. The guy told the cops that the motors had been sold to a place on the eastside and asked if they could go with him to get them back. A car was sent out to help the man recover the motor.  

Miss Keonna over on East 78th says her nephew Darnell won’t leave: What in the hell is on a fool’s mind that they won’t leave when you tell him to get the hell out of your house?  He’s got to be crazy, so call the police! On Sept. 28, at 9:02 a.m., a lady named Keonna in the 3400 block of East 78th Street, called and reported that her big ol’ grown 27 year old nephew is refusing to get out of her house. A car was sent over to help auntie get this big bum out of her house.

Carmon’s disrespectful child over on Bridge is trashing her house:

I firmly believe what the Bible says, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” On Sept. 28, at 8:58 a.m., a very distraught mother named Carmon in the 4700 block of Bridge Avenuecalled and reported that her 12 year old child is acting out refusing to go to school and is trashing her apartment. She needs to go and get that damn strap and put it across his behind. However, a car was sent out to help put this disrespectful young’un back in place.

Some nut is peeping in the window of a house over on Glen Ave:  On Sept. 28, at 8:50 p.m., an alert neighbor in the 6600 block of Glen Avenue called and reported that a suspicious looking character peeped into the house next door and she ain’t sure what this idiot is doing or looking at. A car was sent over to check out what freaky deaky is looking at.

Neighbor is reporting several shots just fired over on Malcolm Ave:

On Sept. 28, at about 9 a.m., a concerned neighbor over in the 8800 block of Malcolm Avenue called and reported that they had just heard about three or four shots that were fired from the white house with blue trim a couple of doors down. They said that a White man in a white T-shirt was seen with a gun. Hurry up and come get this sucka. Several cars were rushed over to try to catch this fool in his folly.