This week's Police Blotter

Criminal of the week:

Columbus Ohio

What’s’ up with all these old dudes robbing banks?: On March 14 at 11:50 a.m., a call was received from the Fifth Third Bank on East State Street, reporting that an old, tall, thin White dude, in his mid-60s came into the bank and passed the teller a note demanding that she give up the loot. They said that gramps looked pretty shaky and the teller wasn’t taking any chances and gave up the cash. Since January there have been about ten bank robberies and perhaps this ol’ dude has pulled off a number of them. They are asking if there is anybody with information about Gramps; call Crime Stoppers at (614) 645-3992.

Akron

Look out! These suckas are robbing folks at ATM machines again: On March 8, at around 7:30 p.m. it was reported that two individuals using the ATM machine at 1675 Merriman Road were robbed. The victims reported three males approached their car, pointed a gun at them and demanded money. One of the victims handed the suspects his debit card and the crooks ran through the apartment complex.  The suspects are three Black dudes, 15 – 18 years old, all wearing black masks covering their faces and all dark clothing. Anyone with information is asked to contact Akron Police.

44 year old dude shot in his left leg while he was over his daddy’s: March 8, around 10 p.m., a 44 year old dude was shot in the left leg by another fella while he was inside of the suspect’s house. The victim was transported to Akron City Hospital where his injuries do not appear to be life threatening. The suspect has been identified; however, no charges have been filed at this time. What’s up with this? The whole thing sounds and it looks a little shaky, but the shooting is still under investigation.

Liz is busted for pawning stolen jewelry worth almost $ 5 grand: On March 11, around 6:47 a.m., it was reported that a woman name Elizabeth Posten, 21, of Garfield Street was charged with Receiving Stolen Property. Elizabeth took stolen jewelry from a reported burglary to Worldwild Gold located on Merriman Road, and sold the items to them. The pawn shop suspected the jewelry was stolen and dropped a dime on Miss Lizzy and the owner was contacted and identified the stolen jewelry. The value of the jewelry is $4,469 Girlfriend might even be innocent but, ya’ll watch who ask you to do something. Po Liz busted!

Crack heads up to their old trick again, stealing copper plumbing: On March 11, around 6:47 a.m., it was reported that a vacant house over in the 1600 block of Manchester Road was broken into between the hours of 8 a.m. and 8:56 a.m. They say that some rogue entered vacant house and stole the water heater, all the copper pipes and a whole bunch of other stuff that they could carry. Damn thieves!  The cops are on the look out for these crack head rogues. If you know something, say something and call Crime Stoppers.

Samantha knows better than trying to unload a big heist like that: On March 11, around 6:47 a.m., it was reported that a young woman named Samantha Conner, of Reed Avenue, was charged with Receiving Stolen Property. Samantha took stolen property and sold it to Worldwide Gold over on Merriman Road. Worldwide called the cops and the cops called the victim who was able to identify the property. Say good bye to Miss Sam. See Yuh!

Three dudes shot, but none heard no evil, saw no evil and spoke no evil: On March 12 around 2 a.m. in the morning, it was reported that officers responded to a shooting on Colonial Hills Drive. Officers located two victims. One victim, Eric Bennett, 21, of Eugene Street in Akron, was found inside of a car parked on Colonial Hills Drive. The second victim, Ryan K. Sumlin, 24, of Neville Avenue in Akron, was found outside of a home in the 600 block of Patterson Avenue. They were both transported to Akron City Hospital where their injuries do not appear to be life threatening. Again, no suspect information is available at this time and all three fellas were hearing, seeing and speaking no evil. Hmmm, this is some bull.

Columbus

A 64 year old fart named Frankie was busted for bank robbery: On March 12, around 9:49 a.m., a call was received from the PNC bank over on South Hamilton Road, reporting that an ol’ fart in his 60s with straggly grey facial hair and a very distinctive limp had come into the bank and gave the teller a scribbly note demanding cash. The teller knew that pops was serious and gave up the loot. Armed with some information a short time later, the cops picked up a 64-year-old Black dude named Frankie Nash and arrested him for bank robbery. His home will be permanent and all his needs will be met. See Frank and I wouldn’t wanna be yah!

Bang! Another ol’ bastard bites the dust for robbing Chase Bank: Who in the hell do they think they are, Jesse James? This time on March 15, at around 4:05 p.m., an old rascal entered the Chase Bank on North High Street, wearing a foolish looking disguise and announced that he had a pistol and “this is a stick up.” The teller said the heck with this old fool and took their time walking around to get this crook the money. After pops grew impatient and shaky about the whole thang he took off before they could gather up some dough to give him. The old fella was followed as he left the bank and a short time later the cops arrested an old buzzard named Kenneth Horsley, age 54. Bye!

Short, stout, woman with red pants and a pink jacket using stolen ID: On Feb. 21, a short, stout, woman wearing some tight red straight leg pants and a jacket with a big pink collar went into the credit union on Bethel Road and withdrew $ 2,500 from someone else’s account using a fake ID. Big Mamma then went to another credit union, this time on Neil Avenue and withdrew 8 grand from the same ladies account. She went on to a third credit union over on North High Street, and tried the same thing but, this time an alert teller asked for a second ID which she could not produce. If you know something, say something and get paid. Call (614) 645- TIPS (8477)  

Chris stabbed Johnathan in his arm and than sliced his chin: On March 12, at around 6:03 p.m., a caller in the 2900 of Hiawatha Street, called and reported that two dudes had a hell-of ah strong argument which led to them getting into a scuffle and that’s when a 29 year old dude name Christopher Stiffler whipped out a knife and stabbed Johnathan Schwenk in his arm and than sliced his chin. Chris took off but was busted a short time later and was charged with Felonious Assault. John was taken to a nearby hospital and treated for his non-life threatening injuries.

Some idiot is over on Judith Place shooting at a family’s house: On March 12, at 4:29 in the morning, some idiot fired a pistol a number of times into a family’s home over in the 5700 block of Judith Place Avenue. The person ran in an unknown direction. The family is thankful that nobody was hurt but the police are asking if you know something, say something and help get this crazy fool off the street. Call Crime Stoppers at (614) 645-4059  

Cleveland

Ashley’s baby daddy knocked her down and took her cell phone: On March 14, at 11:18 a.m., a very angry woman named Ashley on Carson Avenue, which is in the Garden Valley Projects, called and reported that she is sick of her baby’s daddy acting a fool. This chump punched and beat her up and then he took her cell phone. A car was sent to try and locate and capture this bullying rascal.

There’s a low-down rascal breaking into a brown house on Massey: If ya’ll hurry up and get here, you’ll catch this low-down thug inside the house that he just broke into. On March 14, at 11:20 a.m., a frantic lady who lives in the 10800 block of Massey Avenue, called and reported that “there’s a dude who just parked a white van in the back of the brown house next door and now he is breaking in. If ya’ll hurry up you’ll capture this mug in action.” A car was rushed out to check out what was going on. Cops arrived in minutes and found out it was a contractor. Good Lookin' Miss!

Woman say her neighbor is being beat up by her crazy boyfriend: Around 11:25 a.m., a very frustrated woman on Longwood Avenue, called and reported that her neighbor’s crazy boyfriend just beat her up and ran her out of the house. The concerned lady said that the front door of her house is still wide open. A car was sent out to check why this creep wants to put his hands on somebody.

Truck driver reports cars behind him won’t let him back up: It’s a damn shame that some folk are so rude that they have very little regard for other drivers, but in this case which one was it, the truck driver bulling four wheelers, or is it the people who pulled up too damn close and won’t let him back up. On March 14, around 11:30 a.m., a very pissed off semi truck driver on 175^th and South Miles, called and reported that a number of car had stacked up behind him and won’t move nor let him back his truck up to make a delivery. A car was sent out to unravel this situation before it went into full blown road rage.

Come get this sucka, he’s blocking my damn driveway: At 11:27 a.m., on March 14, a highly pissed off dude named Ben, who lives in the 1300 block of Giddings Avenue, called screaming and hollering about some sucka had blocked his damn driveway and ya’ll c’mon now and make him move. A car was sent out before po’ Ben blew a gasket.

Some more clowns are blocking a man’s driveway on Worley Avenue: These suckas have no respect for folk’s property and they think that they can park one those big ol’ raggedy cars anywhere they please and want. On March 14, at 11:33 a.m., a fella named Mr. Jackson who lives in the 6900 block of Worley Avenue, called and reported that two cars were blocking his driveway and “I would like these bastards towed now.” A car was sent out to try to sooth Mr. “J’s” headache and make those clowns move.

Cops out checking two suspicious dudes on Beachwood Avenue: On March 14, an officer radioed the dispatcher and reported that he was out of his cruiser checking two suspicious acting characters on 126^th and Beachwood Avenue, who look like they were casing some houses to break into. The dispatcher logged the call for possible back up.

Why in the hell are folks on Fullerton calling 911 and hanging up: On March 14, at 10:51 a.m., a dispatcher requested a car go out to a house in the 6200 block of Fullerton Avenue, and see why in the hell the crazy folks upstairs keep calling 911 and hanging up, yet when we call back they won’t answer the phone. I keep telling ya’ll, when you call 911, make sure you want the police to come out because it costs the tax payers money for your ol’ silly scare tactics.

Lady on Lakeview Avenue wants to make a police report: Around 11:37 a.m., on March 14, a lady named Miss Hawkins, who lives on Lakeview Avenue, called and requested that a car be sent out so she could make a police report. She didn’t specify why but, a car was sent out to take the report and log this lady’s concerns.