The negative rap music and Hip Hop culture adds to the problem in their stink'in think'in. I heard a rap artist say in his song, "I don't want you girl, I just want yo booty." SAD!

Happy Valentine's Day, ‘No Trust’

Letters to the Bishop

Dear Bishop:

First Bishop, Happy Valentine's Day to you and I hope you take time to spoil yourself and be with that special one on Valentine's Day.

Bishop, I've been reading your columns for years and want to thank you for keeping it as I hear the young people "Keeping it 100." Bishop, you're so down to earth, not only in your columns but even in person as a pastor, bishop and Community Leader. I met you in the store shopping and we talked as if we just knew each other for years. I was so impressed with you and still tell my girl friends how "Fine" you are. No disrespect!

My Husband wants to take me out on Valentine's Day to the movies, to dinner and he's given me already a beautiful Valentine's Card which I gave back and I told him I don't want to go anywhere with him. I just can't do it Bishop!

In regards to no trust, I want to say to the wife that caught her husband in their home cheating on her, to run the other way. What I've gone through and even now dealing with is just not worth it. My husband of four years of marriage and I have been to marriage counseling, church retreats on relationships, bible classes, prayer services, you name it. We have done all we could do to save our marriage and still I hurt, and hate him for what he did to me and the kids. I caught him cheating on me in our home last year while our four kids were sleep, when I came home about three hours early from my job. When I went out the front door, I guess the woman from down the street came in the back door. I work the night shift and when I arrived to work there was no heat, so they sent us all back home.

Bishop our former pastor told me to not leave my marriage, but he's been married twice for cheating on his wife. When I found that out, I don't go to him or that church any longer.

My husband and I don't talk, have not made love since he cheated on me and there is tension in the house when the both of us are together in the house. Our kids are in the middle and they see what's happening and it's so unfair to them, but I won't leave my husband because everything is in the both of our names and the kids need their father and love him so much.

Bishop, I forgave him but I will never forget what I saw in our home around 2:30a.m. Each time I sit in the living room I look on the sofa across from where I'm sitting where him and the woman was and view it in my mind all over again and start crying.

Bishop he says it was just "sex, what's the deal?" But to a true women, a true wife, it's deeper than that.

I know I need to move on, I know I'll never trust him again, I know it's not fair to our children to feel all this tension, I know all the answers in regards to what I should do but like that old song says, "It's cheaper to keep him."

I'll tell every married woman that if trust is lost in a marriage, in reality there is no marriage because the vows have been broken. Yes, by law we are still married but by breaking the vows, we are married no longer.

I don't know if I asked a question, vented my anger or just made statements but thanks for letting me share this.

Signed,

Still Hurting.

Dear Still Hurting:

First, my daughter in the Lord let me tell you what I think you already know. YOU STILL LOVE YOUR HUSBAND! If you didn't love your husband, no matter what, you'd be gone by now, or he'd be living somewhere else. What your husband did was WRONG and will always be WRONG. He violated the marriage vows which are grounds for divorce. BUT YOU STILL LOVE HIM! – NEXT.

What you're doing is not only hurting YOURSELF but also those beautiful, precious kids. Kids should enjoy life, laugh, play and enjoy both mother and dad. For the sake of the kids one of you, maybe him, should leave and get not only your mental state together but the kids back on point as well. What is happening in the home can affect the kids in school and in the Community when around other kids.

Next, males have sex, men make love. It's sad to say but true, that many of the guys I hear about from their wife or girlfriend in counseling them tell me they want more than SEX, they want to be loved. Many males don't have a clue what LOVE is all about and will run the other way if you ask them, "You love me?"

The negative rap music and Hip Hop culture adds to the problem in their stink'in think'in. I heard a rap artist say in his song, "I don't want you girl, I just want yo booty." SAD!

I can't tell you what to do but I will say, you should not continue to stay in that negative situation for the sake of the kids and also for the sake of your mental state.

Please call my church (216) 761-7100 or your new pastor and set up a counseling session. YOU MUST MOVE ON AND GET IT RIGHT IN THE HOME WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR DO SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE IN THE HOME. ALSO YOUR HUSBAND NEED TO GET IN A PROGRAM TO DEAL WITH HIS UNFAITHFULNESS TO YOU HIS WIFE.

Bishop:

I met this guy and he wants to date me, but has an open relationship. I asked him what did he mean when he said "Open" and he told me he wanted to date me and other girls as well. I asked him if that meant having sex with me and other girls he said, "Exactly."

Bishop, I could not believe what I was hearing. I'm twenty one years old, in college, have my own car and apartment, a job, a little money in my saving and checking account and I'm beautiful and get play from all the guys. I was so insulted that he would even ask me that kind of question. He is twenty two, no job, stays with his mother, want to be a rap artist. He's sexy, but not that sexy to come at me like that. My other female friends said that guys ask them that same question all the time and they set them straight.

This Valentine's Day, I plan on running with other girls my age who will never stand for that kind of guy. We're going out to eat, to the movies and have a great time. Not because we have to, but because we won't settle for, as you have said in other articles, "a Male". Us sastah's with SENSE want a MAN. "I can do bad all by myself," as my mother says all the time.

I can get sex anytime I want, but I want to be loved, so I'm saving myself for marriage and not for a quick fix. I can handle that myself, and I'm just keeping it real.

Thanks Bishop!

You can e-mail bishop at bishopspeaks@aol.com. Write him at the church